This is part of a series that takes aim at the biggest lies we’ve been taught about conflict and communication—and exposes what believing those lies costs us. Titles don’t matter here. Everyone leads in how they speak up, listen, and steady tense moments.
Last week, we talked about how politeness makes problems worse. Avoidance does the same. It just hides the damage longer. When you avoid the problem, it becomes like a lit piece of dynamite just waiting to blow up.
Avoidance drains trust, time, and energy. It slows decision-making, pushes people away, and creates quiet resentment that grows louder and louder over time. When avoidance becomes the culture, even those who are willing to talk through things will stop because they do not want to “always” be that person.
Here’s what it can look like:
- An executive sees tension between two department heads and instead of getting them to engage in conversation, he tells them to just “cool it.” The “cool it” means they don’t have a discussion, and the project they’re leading misses two deadlines. Balls are dropped, each person blames the other, and both leaders start looking for different jobs.
- A supervisor feels tension on their team and says, “Let’s focus on the positives. We don’t need to argue.” Two months later, a misunderstanding explodes into a disagreement in front of clients. The supervisor said it wasn’t his fault, no one takes accountability, and now the team scrambles to repair the fallout. The client relationship never fully recovers.
Avoidance is a short-term bet that always loses in the long term.
Leaders think they’re saving time or keeping the peace, but what they’re really doing is delaying the inevitable. You pay for conflict one way or another. Better to pay early.
When tension isn’t addressed, innovation slows because people stop sharing ideas. Turnover rises because no one believes the truth will ever be spoken out loud. The longer you wait, the more expensive it becomes to rebuild trust and momentum.
Here’s your challenge: Don’t allow meetings to end about a product, idea, or situation where one potential problem isn’t mentioned. Sit in silence. Let the silence become unbearable until something is mentioned. Get comfortable with the silence, with the talking, the giving feedback, and your response to it all.
Every level of your organization pays for avoidance. Managers absorb the stress. Staff lose faith in leadership. You lose time, trust, and talent.
Start small. Name the issue. Invite the conversation. That’s how leadership—and accountability—start to grow.
