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The holidays have a way of showing up with a lot of expectations attached. Togetherness. Traditions. Big plans.
And sometimes your life just doesn’t match that this year.
Maybe this is your first Christmas without someone you love. Maybe you moved, and your family is far away. Maybe your kids are with their other parent. Maybe things just shifted, and now you’re trying to figure out how to stand in that without pretending it’s fine.
That can feel heavy. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because the calendar keeps insisting you should feel a certain way.
So before anything else, here’s the thing I want to say clearly: if this holiday feels hard, give yourself some grace.
What I Mean When I Say “Alone”
When I talk about being “alone” during the holidays, I don’t always mean physically by yourself.
I mean the holiday doesn’t look the way it used to.
The people you usually celebrate with aren’t here. The routines that once made sense don’t quite fit anymore. You’re adjusting to something new, whether you chose it or not.
That kind of alone can still hit, even if you’re around people. Naming it helps. Not to dwell on it, but because unnamed loneliness tends to take up more space than it deserves.
Being alone isn’t a verdict on your worth. It’s just a circumstance. And circumstances can be navigated, even if it takes a minute to figure out how.
A Very Real Lesson I Learned Decorating Cookies
Last year, I decided that decorating cookies would be a fun holiday activity.
I was committed. I bought everything. All the cookies. All the icing. All the little end thingies that I do not, in fact, know how to use. I had ideas in my head.
Two cookies in, I was done.
Completely done.
Unfortunately, I had been very insistent that this was the plan. And my friend decided that since this was what I wanted to do, I was going to finish decorating all of them. Seven more cookies. I don’t know which icing tip does what. I’m not creative. The razzle does not equal the dazzle.
It was brutal.
And honestly, I keep coming back to that moment because it’s such a good reminder of something I forget all the time: I love the idea of certain traditions way more than the reality of what they require.
Choosing Plans That Match Your Actual Energy
A lot of holiday stress comes from overestimating what we can handle.
We commit to things because we’ve always done them. Or because that’s what holidays are supposed to look like. And then we’re surprised when we’re exhausted, irritated, or looking for a way out halfway through.
If this is a holiday where things feel different, it helps to lower the bar. Not in a sad way. In a realistic way.
Maybe instead of a big gathering, it’s one friend and a walk. Maybe instead of a whole spread, it’s one favorite dish. Maybe instead of “we should get together sometime,” it’s something specific and small that actually happens.
Emotional energy is not unlimited. And it’s okay to spend it where it brings a little warmth instead of more stress.
Letting Traditions Change
When holidays change, traditions usually need to change too.
That might look like lighting a candle for someone you miss. Cooking their favorite recipe with less pressure attached. Letting go of things that feel heavy this year and choosing something easier instead.
Grief doesn’t need to be erased to be manageable. It just needs room to move.
And if this is a holiday shaped by divorce or distance or a move, you don’t have to figure out the “right” way to do things now. You’re allowed to try something, see how it feels, and adjust next year. Traditions aren’t fixed. They change as we do.
Finding Connection (or Quiet) on Purpose
If you’re heading into this holiday feeling quieter than usual, see if there’s someone you could spend a little time with. A neighbor. A friend who’s also around. A short, time-bound plan that feels doable.
And if what you actually want is quiet, that’s allowed too. Just plan it on purpose. Make it something that restores you instead of something that sneaks up on you.
When things feel heavy, it helps to have a few go-to comforts ready—a person you can text, an activity that settles you, a place you can go. That’s not overthinking. That’s taking care of yourself.
As You Head Into the Week
Holidays aren’t a test. You don’t pass or fail them.
This year, meaning might look simple. A short call. A warm cup of something. A plan that doesn’t drain you. Something that helps you get through this version of the holiday with a little steadiness.
If this resonates, I talk more about it—and yes, the full cookie saga—in this week’s episode of Five with Fry. I hope you’ll listen.
And please take this final piece of advice from me: don’t try and ice cookies. It’s actually pretty brutal.
