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Leadership often gets painted as glamorous with titles, vision statements, and the spotlight. What rarely gets talked about is the weight of sitting in the chair. Whether you’re an Athletic Director, a head coach, or in any top role, everything starts and stops with you.
In a recent episode of Five with Fry, I sat down with Allison Kern, Associate VP and Director of Athletics at Cal State East Bay, to name the unspoken truths of leadership. Allison has lived the fires, the solitude, and the tough decisions that come with being in the seat. Together, we talked through five truths that leadership programs often skip.
Thriving in Discomfort
Allison described her job as half putting out fires and half building culture, vision, and standards. Discomfort shows up every day, and leaders can’t just manage it. They have to carry it.
When change hits or the pressure is high, it’s on the leader to provide stability. Allison put it this way: “You don’t need a leader when the sun is shining. You need a leader when the boat is capsizing and nobody knows what to do.”
The Solitude of Leadership
One of the hardest realities is the solitude that comes with leadership. In many roles, you can vent with peers. In the chair, the final call rests with you.
Allison explained that solitude doesn’t have to mean loneliness if you build strong community outside your immediate team. Still, in the toughest moments, you’re the one who carries the responsibility.
Normalizing Hard Conversations
Many leaders avoid tough conversations and label them as rare or exceptional. Allison challenged that idea. She views conflict as a signal that something is misaligned and needs attention.
She told me, “How you communicate with people expresses what you think about them.” If you avoid feedback, it can sound like you don’t believe the other person is capable of growth. When you approach those conversations directly and respectfully, you show that you trust them to rise to the challenge.
Handled well, conflict deepens trust and builds stronger relationships.
Holding the Line on Your Vision
Great leaders don’t just set a vision; they stay with it through the ups and downs. Early on, you may be the only one who can see the destination. That gap between the start and the payoff is where leadership gets tested.
Allison reminded us that you get what you tolerate. Every time you say yes when you should have said no, you drift further from your vision. The stamina to hold the line, even when it feels exhausting, separates consistent leaders from inconsistent ones.
Deciding What Baggage You’ll Carry
No leadership role runs perfectly. There will always be tradeoffs. The real question is which compromises you’re willing to make.
Allison’s advice is to decide your non-negotiables before the pressure arrives. When you know what matters most, you don’t have to wrestle with every decision. The clarity makes space for consistency.
Betting on Yourself
Leadership requires trust in your own judgment. Not because you control everything, but because you’re the one accountable when the consequences land.
As Allison said, “I don’t have a lot of power, I have a lot of responsibility.” Many people want to be in the room where decisions are made. Far fewer want to carry the weight that comes after the decision is announced. Sitting in the chair means you do both.
Closing Thoughts
Leadership isn’t about comfort or control. It’s about carrying the uncomfortable, building trust through conflict, holding your vision when others can’t see it, deciding your non-negotiables, and betting on yourself when the outcome is uncertain.
These aren’t lessons you always find in books. They’re lived truths.
Want the full conversation? Listen to the newest episode of Five with Fry with Allison Kern, and hear the realest real about what it takes to lead from the chair.
