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Most of us grew up being told to be nice. It sounds good in theory, yet in leadership it often backfires. When leaders focus on being nice, they avoid the very conversations that would make them effective. Niceness can make you indirect, indecisive, and unclear.
That’s the focus of a recent episode of Five with Fry. Niceness might look like care on the surface, but it often leads to harm.
When Niceness Creates Harm
Picture this: a manager knows someone isn’t performing well. Instead of addressing it, they cut responsibilities, put the person on a fuzzy performance plan, or hold back bonuses. They hope the employee will get the message and leave.
The employee always notices. They feel the changes in their duties, the awkward silence, the way trust starts to crumble. What was framed as “being nice” ends up creating stress, confusion, and a toxic environment.
What Kindness Looks Like
Kindness requires more courage. It means naming what isn’t working, giving clear feedback, and setting expectations. Sometimes it means making the tough call to let someone go, while handling it with honesty, dignity, and support.
Kindness protects long-term well-being even when the short term feels uncomfortable. It builds trust because people know where they stand and that they’ll be treated with respect.
Why This Matters
When leaders lean on niceness, they avoid the real issues. When they choose kindness, they create healthier teams and workplaces where transparency and growth are possible.
So ask yourself: are you leading through niceness, or practicing kindness that truly serves the people you work with?
Listen to the Episode
I go deeper into this on Five with Fry. Give it a listen and reflect on how kindness, not niceness, can change the way you lead.
