This is part of a series that takes aim at the biggest lies we’ve been taught about conflict and communication—and exposes what believing those lies costs us. Titles don’t matter here. Everyone leads in how they speak up, listen, and steady tense moments.
When I was a young coach, I was terrible at conflict. I thought communication was a gift you either had or didn’t. I believed if you were good with people, the hard stuff would somehow handle itself.
Because I believed these myths, that meant I didn’t:
- Prepare my players for the tension that comes with competition.
- Warn them that the roommate they loved in August might be the one they’d clash with by October.
- Teach them how to talk through that conflict.
At Norfolk State, we ran a semester-long captain training. Not one section covered how to navigate tension or hard conversations. Everyone knew conflict was part of the job, but no one talked about the communication skills needed to manage it.
Conflict will always happen. The difference between chaos and progress is whether people have the communication skills to move through it.
A first-time manager who freezes while giving feedback doesn’t lack confidence; they lack training. Once they learn how to name tension, ask better questions, and stay grounded under pressure, everything changes.
Good communicators aren’t born. They’re built.
If your managers and staff are struggling to lead through tension, that’s a skill gap, not a personality flaw.
I help leaders and teams build those skills before the next hard conversation hits. Let’s talk about what that training could look like for your organization.
