This is part of a series that takes aim at the biggest lies we’ve been taught about conflict and communication—and exposes what believing those lies costs us. Titles don’t matter here. Everyone leads in how they speak up, listen, and steady tense moments.
Leadership rolled out a new performance-rating curve that quietly guarantees a set number of “low performers” and then acted shocked when people were furious. Their statement: “We’re sorry if this created confusion.” Translation: we don’t regret the decision or the process—just the backlash.
That’s not an apology; that’s PR with a side of sad face emoji. ☹️
Real accountability names the harm and your role in it. It can feel uncomfortable, but when you allow yourself to feel it, you allow your employees to see you as a human. Performative apologies protect image, not people.
Many times the mistake is bad, but the apology is worse. When it goes wrong, it sounds like:
- “Sorry if you were upset.” (I’m not actually sorry.)
- “Sorry, but you should have known.” (I’m still right. You’re still wrong.)
When it’s done right, it sounds like: “I’m sorry we implemented a ratings curve without transparency. That undermined trust and created fear. Here’s what we’re changing this week: we’re pausing the rollout, publishing the criteria, and bringing managers and staff into the redesign.”
Leaders, you set the tone. Own the mistake, name the impact, and commit to specific fixes on a timeline.
As I tell clients: are you sorry you did it, or just sorry for the way they reacted? If you dodge the harm, you don’t just lose trust—you train your culture to lie. Model the real thing, and your teams will follow. That’s leadership.
