This is part of a series that takes aim at the biggest lies we’ve been taught about conflict and communication—and exposes what believing those lies costs us. Titles don’t matter here. Everyone leads in how they speak up, listen, and steady tense moments.
I worked with a department where one staff member bulldozed every meeting. They rolled their eyes when coworkers spoke, snapped at their supervisor, and treated any disagreement like a personal attack. Everyone knew it. Even the director knew it.
And every time someone tried to address it, the director said the same thing: “That’s just how they are.”
That one sentence ruined the team.
Nothing kills trust faster than watching someone act in awful ways and realizing the behavior is allowed. Not ignored. Allowed. The managers spent hours cleaning up the fallout. Coworkers avoided collaboration because the blowback was too exhausting. Decisions slowed to a crawl because no one wanted to trigger another conflict.
The harm did not stay in the room. It spread into every corner of the organization.
“Don’t confuse longevity with leadership.”
Just because someone has been there a long time does not mean they have learned, grown, or earned influence. Time served is not the same as accountability.
Here is the part leaders do not want to admit. A tolerated poor communicator teaches everyone else that speaking up is pointless. And over time, that message drives out your best people. The ones who stay learn to protect themselves instead of working at their best.
What you fix in the short term will help you in the long term. What you avoid in the short term will cost you for years.
“That’s just how they are” is the excuse that ruins teams. The behavior does not get better. The culture gets worse.
Senior leaders, it is time to hold the line so your managers do not have to hold the bag.
